[dvd3500]

Not so much a joke but a true story: While visiting relatives in western Pennsylvania my cousin to me says "you guys is rich" .

I kind of look at him funny as my family had had some very hard times financially.
"What makes you say that?" I asked.
"You guys got more than 2 cars."
I thought it over and it was true, because of the way things worked out we came in 2 cars to visit and we had said we would buy my sister a a car when she turned 16. We were also just waiting for a loan to be another car, which he must have interpreted as us owning it already.
So I looked around and saw nearly every drive-way had 3-4 cars in the driveway and said:
"Well so do you guys."
"Yeah... but all yours run!"

[Fluff]

I'm fed up being told that I have to change my password , I've had to rename the dog four times now!!

[dvd3500]

Why do movies on TV sometimes say "modified to fit your screen"? How do they know how big my TV is?!

[Gordon Steadman]

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

[Gordon Steadman]

I've always hated the thought of going on holiday in a caravan! This is what they see as fun in China!

[Fluff]

A guy on a tractor went passed me shouting " the end of the world is nigh " I think it was farmer Gedden !!!

Steve

[Fluff]

Before the invention of the crowbar ,crows used to drink at home!

Steve

[Savage GT]

I guess China finaly got what they wanted .....
They managed to coronise the world.

[Savage GT]

An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, “I’ve let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?”
The husband says, “Change the battery in your hearing aid".

[Savage GT]

Today I shouted “Cow!” to a woman riding a bike.
She gave me the finger, then she ran into a cow. Oh well,I tried.